Breivik - Human Enigma

It's been an interesting few days for the Norwegian people. They listen almost sedately to the testimony of Anders Behring Breivik, the Oslo/Utoya murderer. He is a monstrous human being, there is no doubt about it. I will be the last to condone his behaviour and offer condolence to the bereaved families of the dead. However, I find Breivik a fascinating, captivating character and has traits I would aspire to have.

Let me explain what I mean - before the internet and his dog accuses me of being a psycho.

He is indeed, first and foremost, an extremely intelligient individual. Having had a brief flick through his 2068 manifesto I note he speaks in great detail over his plans for Europe. I agree that there are too many immigrants, and I also think that Europe is losing it's identity to a degree. Obviously, my opinions do not joins that of Breivik's in the extremis, but his thoughts echo those of many around Europe. He's not as racist as you think he is, but his actions do make him seem a maniac. I'd think if he were a politician he would exceed the popularity of that of Geert Wilders, the Dutch politicians. He's no EDL-chav-thug.

Secondly, he is bloody well organised. If I were a terrorist (and I can't rule that out the way this world treats me, Internet), I'd be like Breivik. I mean, you've got to hand it to the guy, his planning and execution of the operation was brilliant. In terms of proving a point, in a country where no one would suspect it and have the most impact, it went as well as it could have gone. He might not even spend life in prison, though the likelihood is he will. I'm not so much a fan of the World of Warcraft sabbatical, but he's left his mark.

Lastly, he will milk every last drop of publicity until he is locked up or sent to the loony bin. I'm not saying that it's a good thing, but if I were him, I'd be doing the same as kiddie-killer. He waxes lyrical like Jeremy Clarkson would presented with a flame spitting V12 engine made out of steak and bovril. He's got the personality that makes you utterly powerless to look away from the news. If he is mad -and sent away to be locked away and never heard of again, the world is going to remember him.

I can already hear the jeers of "racist" from the masses. I don't care what you think. Think next time you condemn Breivik or any other racist, think about it. How far is it really from your personal views?

Yeah. I thought so. Many of you are Breivik without the intelligience or the firepower. Or both.

I'm baaaaaaack! (sadly)

I'm back. I've been on hiatus for at least a year and now I'm back. In this time, I:

> Turned sixteen.
> Went to two parties. I know, impressive.
> Finally turned to Twitter (@chriseatswood) and gave up Facebook. Almost.
> Found the new love of my life, Swedish music.
> And, er, remained single.

I'll be posting a new blog soon. Just to let you know. I'm back. Be warned.

An Apology (sort of)

I'd just like to say sorry really. in my last post, I called my friend Ben "strawberry blonde".

This was a lie. He cited that me calling him strawberry blonde made him seem not very happy about being ginge, and this really couldn't be further prom the truth. Ben is very ginger, and very proud.

I'm not saying sorry to shortarse and garden vegetable though.

I'll Set Fire to that Bloody Caravan!

So my best mate Ben (the "strawberry blonde" guy in my profile picture, who thinks he deserves a whole blog about him but I have not the time nor the information to write so much.  So anyway, Ben is my age and has a girlfriend who walks around with a cuddly fish, taking pictures whilst listening to abysmal pop garage, namely Babycakes by Three Of A Kind. I think this says a lot about them as a couple. Anyway, "Clarkie" has many interests, including an infatuation with the ginger slab of mediocre sporting prowess that is David Kitson. He also likes sexy cars and has friends like me, who are basically The Inbetweeners but less impressive. This group consists of a fatty (me), a retard with an irrational hate of Muslims and a goal of living life to the edge, a shortarse and a garden vegetable. He could do better, but doesn't, and I thank him for this. I personally value his constant reminders of my balloon like anatomy and misleadings that he wants to get KFC but instead dives into a nearby bakery. Anyway, I've got a bit off topic so I'll just blent this in and hope noone notices....)

 has recently come back from a cruise holiday around Europe. I had a quick flick (another poor adjective readers) through his holiday pics, and it made me ask the question "Why, if you can afford it, would you want to go on anything other than a cruise?".

I mean, what in your right mind would lead you to think that a caravn would be a worthwhile use of your money. The average elderly caravan basket case consists of this. Wake up, fill up the loo, run out of water, shit in a bucket, eat spam, shit in a bucket some more, empty the bucket and then go to bed before most ten year old children. How is this attractive? Anyone who thinks this lifestyle is worth giving up a cruise holiday for is clearly deranged. Even the aforementioned retard would reject this, as in no place is this living life "to the edge".

Having a look through his pictures, all Ben did was meet nice people, see very fit girls, probably eat quite a lot, live in luxury, go to lots of nice places, have every whim attended to and see flash cars. WHY WOULD YOU PREFER A CARAVAN OR ANY OTHER HOLIDAY?!

So next time you've got a choice, just think about that lovely toilet. They're seriously underrated, you know.

Oh, be my Bieber!

I fully accpet that girls are always going to have to have celebrity crushes. I can understand a fifteen year olds point of view that they find the part hunk-wolf Taylor Lautner "hot". This is to be expected, Donny Osmond did the same for girls in the 60s, if not with the same exposure that the 21st century army of technology can provide us with. I do sympathise with girls when hey also find Justin Bieber "hot" and maybe at the most a little "inspiring". But even with a tiny glance on Twitter, it seems hundreds of thousands of girls have gone so much further. This is not a fanbase. It is quite simply an obsessive cult.

Yeah, so you've got a little crush on JDB. That's fine, but for the love of mongoose, keep it to yourself and your friend. The internet does not need to know. We're far too busy discussing the more serious things...like...er...OK the point I'm trying to make is we don't need to know your crushes. I heard about these ultra beliebers, and thought to myself  "Well, surely this ultra faction can't be too large, most humans are sane, right?". A quuick flicker on the twitter (other poor adjectives are available) proves a far vaster scale of obsession.

20 new Bieber tweets every ten seconds are posted on Twitter. That is frankly ridiculous. I've decided to share my favourites with you.

"teacher: follow your dreams. me: i already have. teacher: what? me: i followed justin bieber on twitter. ♥" BieberPerv

"Our Flag; █♥█ - Our world; My World 2.0 - Our hymn; U Smile - Our name; Beliebers - Our president; Justin Bieber RT if u're a proud belieber" BieberTweet

These two example show an infatuation with this teenage megastar. I'll give it to the kid, he can sing, but he really needs to tell the mob to calm down. You can't all be his husband. And frankly, I don't see what all the fuss is about. If Justin Bieber is the template, all I need is a greasy bowlcut, some spot cream and someone to claw my bollocks when I sing.

Chris On The World

Well, welcome to my new blog. If you're reading this, I'm sorry your computer had apparently not sent you to the funny, interesting blog you requested when you clicked the link. But you're here now, so you might as well read what I've got to say in this post.

So, the Met Police have collectively spontaneously combusted after the hacking/bribery allegations, two of the major players in the police have gone, but in my view, they were just scapegoats, they looked like pretty straight up guys. David Cameron & Ed Miliband should be grovelling for their resignations to be overturned, but instead they accept it in the hope that if they feed a few more careers into the fire, that this mess will be resolved. I doubt it will.

In other news, despite my slightly right of centre stance in general, I find myself in huge agreement with everything Ed Miliband says at the moment. He seems genuinely concerned about the victims, rather than the cold approach of the Tories who seem more interested in the protection of their relationships with James "Mr Burns" Murdoch. It is true, when Mr Miliband was elected, I thought he was a bit of a dweeb.  But I find myself warming to him as a person, even if I don't generally agree with his party aims. He is shaping out to be an impressive weapon for the Labour party, and it would not surpise me if they got back power sooner rather than later.

And finally, on a lighter note, The Mercury nominations are announced. They have done their ususal trick of giving half the nominations to people I have never heard of. Obviously leading the nominations are Tinie Tempah and Adele, but my money and hopes are pinned on James Blake, and his electro-piano-indie-dub-pop. Good luck to him especially, but also to all the nominees.

So that's it, dear reader. Have a good Tuesday.